相较于常常见面的情侣，异地恋情侣需要花费更多的努力去维系他们的感情。若想让异地恋开花结果，有些错误是绝对不能犯的，一起看看专家的建议。
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When you and your partner live in different cities — or even different countries — a lot of your energy as a couple will be devoted to maintaining your connection. You’ll send an abundance of texts, have standing FaceTime dates, and maybe mail each other a cute letter or two. But even when you do your best to stay in touch, there are a number of mistakes long-distance partners make that can lead to a breakup.
如果你和你的伴侣生活在不同的城市甚至不同的国家，你们会投入大量精力来维系彼此的联系。你会频繁发短信、固定时间视频通话，或许还会给对方寄几封情书。但即便你已经尽力维系感情，仍有一些错误可能导致分手。
While any type of relationship takes work, long-distance relationships require a little extra effort and dedication — and it has to come equally from both partners, says Boston-based psychotherapist Angela Ficken. Big issues, like not being on the same page about communication or boundaries, will definitely chip away at your connection. But small issues can have an impact, too.
波士顿心理治疗师安吉拉·菲肯表示，虽然维系任何感情都需要付出努力，但异地恋需要付出更多努力和奉献，而且双方都必须共同努力。一些大问题，例如没有在交流或界限上达成共识，会逐渐削弱你们的联系。小问题也可能产生影响。
Even though it’s tough, it is possible for long-distance relationships to thrive, says Kalley Hartman, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist. If you notice any of the issues listed below, find time to chat — preferably on a video call — so you can talk it out as a duo.
持牌婚姻家庭治疗师凯莉·哈特曼说，尽管维持异地恋很难，但异地恋仍然有可能开花结果。如果你注意到你们的感情出现了下面列出的问题，找时间聊聊，最好通过视频通话，以便你们可以一起讨论解决。
Here are some mistakes that people can make in a long-distance relationship, according to experts.
以下是专家指出的异地恋中可能犯的一些错误。
1. You Don’t Have Any Relationship “Rules”
没有制定感情规则
Since long-distance relationships can lead to, well, distance, it helps to go in with a clear understanding of what your LDR will look like. In order to stay on the same page, “it's important to have open and honest conversations about what each partner wants and needs from the relationship,” Ficken says.
因为异地恋会导致距离感，所以明确了解你的异地恋关系如何开展是很有帮助的。为了保持一致，菲肯表示：“开诚布公地谈谈每个伴侣对这段感情的需求和期望是非常重要的。”
That means ensuring you agree on boundaries, communication, and expectations. If you part ways without having agreed on the basics — like how often you’d both like to text or even the status of the relationship — the resulting misunderstandings and frustrations can lead to a breakup.
这意味着你们要确保在界限、交流方式和期望上达成一致。如果你们在这些基本事项（如短信频率或感情状态）上没有达成共识就分开，那么随之而来的误解和沮丧可能会导致分手。
2. You Let Other People’s Opinions Cause Doubt
受他人意见影响而产生怀疑
"There are a lot of haters out there when it comes to long-distance relationships,” notes Samantha Newton, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker. When you’re in one, chances are your friends and family will express doubts and worries.
持证临床社工萨曼莎·纽顿指出：“很多人对异地恋持否定态度。”当你处于异地恋中时，你的朋友和家人很可能会表达质疑和担心。
According to Newton, they might suggest you date someone who lives closer or express worry that your partner will cheat. And before you know it, you’ll start to feel like they’ve got a point. While it doesn’t hurt to hear them out, these concerns are often more about them than you.
纽顿表示，他们可能会建议你和住得更近的人约会，或担心你的伴侣会出轨。不知不觉中，你可能会觉得他们说的有道理。尽管听取意见无妨，但这些顾虑往往更多与他们有关，而不是你。
"Be cautious about who you open up to about your relationships and do not allow their personal relationship preferences to place doubt in your mind about your own,” Newton says. If your relationship is happy and strong, that’s all that matters.
纽顿说：“慎重选择你向谁倾诉你的感情，不要让他人的个人感情偏好影响你的判断。如果你的感情关系幸福稳固，这才是最重要的。”
3. You Don’t Have A Visit Planned
没有计划好下一次见面的时间
Not knowing when you're going to see each other again can be really challenging, says Erin Dierickx, LMFTA, a licensed marriage and family therapist. It can heighten feelings of loneliness, distrust, and doubt — and it’s also just kind of a bummer.
持牌婚姻家庭治疗师艾琳·迪尔里克斯说，不知道何时再见面将是一个真正的挑战，这会加剧孤独、猜疑，以及质疑感，也让人更沮丧。
"If at all possible, schedule when you'll see each other next,” Dierickx says. “Even if it's months out, having a set date provides hope for the relationship and lessens the discouragement and fear around what may happen in the coming months due to not knowing when you'll see each other next.”
迪尔里克斯说：“如果可能的话，安排好下次见面的时间。即使那是几个月之后，有一个固定的时间可以为这段感情带来希望，也减少了未来几个月因不知道下次见面时间而产生的沮丧和恐惧。”
4. You Forget To Schedule Dates
忘记安排约会
Scheduling date nights is just as important in an LDR as it is in person, so don’t let too many Friday nights go by without doing something fun. Think HBO watch parties, FaceTime dinner dates, or a long walk while you chat about your week.
安排约会之夜对异地恋和面对面恋爱同样重要，因此不要让太多的周五晚上在无所事事中度过。你可以一起观看HBO电影，通过FaceTime约会共进晚餐，或者边通话边散步，聊聊你这周的经历。
"We become closer to others through spending time with them and a great way to do this is through some kind of activity," says Dr. Alisha Powell, LCSW, a therapist and licensed clinical social worker. "Long distance makes it more challenging, but watching movies, having dinner together, or video chatting while doing the same activity can increase emotional intimacy.”
临床社工艾丽莎·鲍威尔博士说：“我们通过与人共度时光来变得亲密，而进行某种活动是实现这一点的好方法。异地恋让这一点更具挑战性，但一起看电影、共进晚餐或在做同一件事时视频聊天可以增进情感亲密度。”
5. You Neglect Your Own Lives
忽视了个人生活
Too much of a good thing can sometimes be a problem. For example, if you're both working hard to create a healthy relationship, it can get to the point where most of your time is spent thinking about each other. While that’s adorable, you need to take care of yourselves, as well as your partnership, in order for it to last.
好事过度有时也会变成问题。例如，如果你们都在努力建设一段健康的感情，大部分时间都花在想念对方上。虽然这很可爱，但你需要在照顾好自己和维系感情之间找到平衡，以使这段关系持久。
As Powell says, “It’s important for both partners to have their own lives so that they won’t end up resenting each other." It’s totally OK to put your phone down, take a breather, see friends, or spend some time alone.
鲍威尔说：“两人都有自己的生活是很重要的，这样他们才不会最终怨恨彼此。”完全可以放下手机，喘口气，见见朋友，或花些时间独处。
英文来源：Bustle
翻译&编辑：丹妮
来源：中国日报网
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