world after my death

1. I am dead.

When I woke up in the morning, I was so happy when I found out.

How did you die?

Looking at his body carefully, he drank too much last night and choked himself to death when he vomited.

That's pretty cool, not forgetting to throw up on the world before you die, and throw up on the bed.

Finally dead, no need to go to work, no need to pay off credit cards, no need to squeeze the bus, no need to praise our leader's child for being cute, no need to fucking get married and have blind dates.

Turn on the TV first to watch the fog that is chasing.

After watching the last four episodes, I breathed a sigh of relief, and I will never watch this kind of trash drama again.

Open the refrigerator, ready to drink, it's good to be dead, the first thing in the morning is not makeup, but a fucking drink.

Just let me die forever. Well, it is indeed dead forever.

Opened a bottle of Shi Tao that had been preserved for a long time, but found that he could not drink it.

Oh my god, you can't drink after you die!

Feeling like I died for nothing.

Sulking on the couch.

It's boring not being able to drink.

Be human, I'm yelling at God, I'm fucking dead, I'm not allowed to drink, and I'm not allowed to live.

God didn't speak, so I had to lie on the sofa and smell the aroma of wine in a daze. Open another bottle of Sauvignon Blanc.

Open another bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon.

The little house is full of wine.

After smelling it for an hour, the wine was no longer fragrant, and it was getting dark, so I thought I should do something.

Go see your ex-boyfriend. Although the ex-boyfriend broke up with me, the two of them were ugly, but who the hell made me love him.

When I got to his house the ex-boyfriend was sitting on the floor in a tank top watching a movie. The movie is "Love in Prague" that I recommended to him before. He drank his beer and picked his feet while watching. We haven't seen each other for a long time. The last time we saw each other was in a restaurant owned by his friend. After he tactfully expressed his desire to break up, I directly slapped a bowl of pasta on his face. At that time, I thought he must have cheated. If he hadn't cheated, how could he not love me all of a sudden. Later, after experiencing other men, I realized that when a man says he loves, he is sincere, and when he says he does not love him, he is also sincere. If you don't love, you don't love. No matter how beautiful people are, they are not more charming than alcohol.

I sat next to him and watched this long, boring film with him. His eyes are blinking, and there are blackheads on his nose that just popped out, but this doesn't affect his good looks at all.

If there is any bright spot in my life, it is probably that I have made such a boyfriend. We wandered the streets when it was sunny, and we wandered the streets when it was raining. Neither of us had much money, and the two of us drank indiscriminately on the street with our bottles in hand.

I thought he'd give the fuck away when he broke up with me.

Looks like he won't give up drinking if he quits eating.

Fuck.

At the end of the movie, he picked up his mobile phone and clicked on my WeChat, just like I did during this time, my heart came into my throat: Say I love I say love I say love me.

He put it down again, sighing. I touched his face, and a bee flew out the window.

In the future, think of me occasionally! I yelled at him, but I don't know if he can still hear me.

2. I went home to pack my luggage and prepare to travel around the world.

Since I'm dead, I should be pretty free, at least I should be able to go wherever the hell I want.

I started to prepare clothes for travel: Guevara T-shirt, jeans, Converse shoes must be brought, and a red dress is also necessary. After all, I have to use it for taking pictures at the beach, and I also need a cheongsam One thing, passing by ancient buildings, you have to pretend to be an ancient lady to take pictures.

What about souvenirs, do you want to bring them? This house will be auctioned off by the bank soon because no one can repay the mortgage, and I don't want to leave my favorite thing to a stranger.

Take Nine Stories with you, and there are my notes inside. I have to take that blue stinky doll with me, after all, he has been to more places with me than my boyfriends. Yes, there is also the empty bottle of gray swallow vodka that made me drink to death, The lighter I usually use.

Soon my suitcase was full, and when I was about to go with my backpack, I realized that the goddamn god can't backpack.

I have to face up to this matter. After I die, I discard the worldly troubles, and at the same time lose the worldly happiness.

I was sitting on the couch feeling depressed when I heard someone knock on the door.

Damn it, death doesn't make people feel at ease. Are these people retarded! Yes or no!

I didn't get up to open the door, and the door couldn't be opened anyway.

Two hours later, the door opened by itself, and my leader came to my house with some useless male colleagues from my office to look for me.

They saw my dead body.

Being the big fat guy in front of me collapsed all of a sudden, even though he was tall and burly, he cried like a child, I don’t know if he was overly sad or frightened.

A leader is a leader. Our leader, Er Fatty, told everyone not to destroy the scene after seeing my body. He had to call the police, and then asked my lovely colleagues and my parents' phone numbers .

My parents are long gone. My mother died just after I was born, and when my father found out that my mother was dead, he also died of a heart attack.

I don't have a boyfriend either. I suddenly realized that I was doing so poorly that I didn't even have a single person who would bury me after death. I sat on the sofa and started to cry silently, then sobbed, and then howled.

I have no relatives, no friends, not even a fucking boyfriend. He played by himself during his lifetime, and no one buried him after his death.

I'm lonely, I'm lonely, I'm empty, I see people talk about people every day, and I talk nonsense. The lonely time is spent watching movies, listening to music, reading novels and drinking alcohol. I always thought that I stood at the peak of aesthetics and was a successful literary youth. Now I realize that I am nothing. I'm an idiot who doesn't even have friends. If there is still tomorrow, my mother will definitely smash all the books, plates and wine glasses at home. Go out of the house, find a few people who have the same hobbies, cry and laugh together.

It's a pity that I don't have a fucking tomorrow.

My colleague Lao Ma said, why don't we hold a funeral for Yaoyao directly.

The leader thought about it and agreed.

Fuck me. I'm so pissed off, these people are throwing me a funeral? Just this group of colleagues who listen to Apple's social shake every day want to hold a funeral for me?

I object! I'd rather stink at home.

However dead men object to no effect. I watched my body being put into a body bag by the police, and a few colleagues crying pretendingly, and I felt sick to death.

I'm less concerned with what happens to my body than I am with my funeral. I was so fucking afraid that my farewell ceremony would be turned into a farce. I'm such a punk myself, how can I allow other people to fucking vomit in my messed up life!

The leader said, Ma, since you have the heart, then be the general planner of this wedding. The old horse must be yelling in his heart, MMP, I just want to be polite.

Hahaha who made you so hypocritical.

In order to see what my wedding, no, funeral is like, and to make a little stop when they mess up too much, I decided to eat and sleep with the old horse for a few days, if necessary Going to save my funeral.

The police moved the body away, and the colleagues dispersed. Lao Ma drove his battered red Mazda back to his home on Beijing's Second Ring Road. It turns out that the fucking old horse is a hidden rich man among our colleagues! The North Second Ring Road, the school district room, the third room.

My God! Don't look at Lao Ma who only wears Uniqlo and only drinks boiled water. He used to live in a house of 100,000 square meters.

After the old horse arrived home, he took off his gray woolen sweater, changed his shoes, and immediately squatted at the door of the house to shovel the cat's excrement. His daughter-in-law came out of the bathroom in white pajamas: how is it, the little girl is all right.

"Dead."

Lao Ma's wife was very shocked, the facial cleanser foam on her face fell down, fell to the floor and fell to pieces: Has the family notified?

'No one. Parents are dead.'

His wife said: You are not kidding me.

Old Ma was silent, and clicked Gen Zhongnanhai: No, our colleagues want to hold a funeral for her.

His daughter-in-law looks fierce, but she is a nice person: let's do it. If you need my help, just tell me.

Old Ma smiled: You said what else can we help when a person is dead? His daughter-in-law's eye circles were red looking at the old horse, and the two of them sat on the sofa and looked at each other.

Fuck it.

Fuck it, I'll die without forgetting to feed me dog food.

The next morning, I followed Lao Ma to the company. It was quite early when Lao Ma arrived at the company, and no other colleagues except the leader came. I was late every day when I was alive, but today it was rare to be early. I sneaked into the leader's office to see what he was doing.

The leader is checking Weibo. Hehe, the leader is not doing his job properly. Hey, no, isn't this fucking me?

The leader is lighting my comments on Weibo.

Oh my God, when did he know about my Weibo? A while ago, I was broken in love and had menstrual disorders. Every day I wailed and howled on Weibo saying that I didn't want to do it anymore. Occasionally, I complained about him, saying that his nails are too long and he feels like GAY.

At nine o'clock, Lingling, the leader's secretary, came. The leader said to talk to the people in our group, and hold a meeting at noon to see how to deal with the funeral.

Lingling and I went out together and sat in our seats waiting for noon.

At noon, everyone came to the conference room with lunch boxes.

Lao Ma, as the chief planner of the funeral, first made a statement: Although I don’t have much contact with Miao Miao, she usually ignores us, but she is still very nice . She has taken the initiative to take the blame for me more than a dozen times in the three years I have been in the company. So I figured I had to do something for her.

I'm even angrier to hear that. Damn it, am I going to take the blame? Ma, you said that it is not easy for you to find a job in middle age, and you are the project leader. If you make this mistake, you will go home directly. And if I take the blame, it is at most a small mistake. I was young and pretty, and it didn't take me long to get a job out of this house. Isn't that what you said? You selected me in the entire project team, toasted me in front of all the team members, and in the end, the leader couldn't bear to talk to you, so I took the blame for you.

Damn it, I really want to push him off the stage.

But for the sake of Lao Ma and his wife crying last night, I also forgive him. Lao Ma continued: I think Miao Miao is pretty cool, so we can't just have an ordinary funeral. Even if this kind of ordinary funeral is really held, few people will come to cry for her, why don't we hold a funeral where everyone is happy together.

After listening to it, everyone thinks it is good. I'm the only one who is fucking confused: A more hilarious funeral? Are you going to take my dead body to POGO or go diving? I always thought it was a big hole.

Old Ma continued: I think that when a person dies, he bids farewell to the world he likes. Or maybe he should enjoy the things he loved in this world one last time. So let's change this funeral into a gift-giving. How about giving one of Miu Miao's favorite things to each of you.

I think this idea is good, but I can't enjoy what they will give me, and I feel a little lost. But everyone thought it was a good idea, and the leader patted the old horse on the shoulder and said: OK. you can.

Lao Ma gave us, no, my colleagues divided the work: Lingling was in charge of telling all my friends about my death and telling everyone how to come to my funeral.

Big Fat sitting in front of me was in charge of choosing the background music for my funeral.

Lao Ma is in charge of contacting the venue and looking for Mr. Feng Shui to check the date.

Xiaozhu, who often makes a la carte delivery with me, is in charge of choosing my funeral clothes.

After the old horse arranged the task, he asked the leader, Er Fatty, for instructions: Is it okay?

The leader, Er Fatty, said: No way, let’s do it this way. You are all doing this, what the hell am I doing?

Old Ma muttered in a low voice; How the hell would I dare to give you work.

Er Fatty said that’s okay, I’ll be in charge of sorting out Miao Miao’s photos before he was alive and make a VCR.

Damn it, don't even think about it, he must be pulling out my Weibo photos before I was alive to make a VCR. I suddenly felt that my underwear was about to be stripped off.

Oh my god, people will watch the color of their underwear even after they die. I really don't want to die now: God, can I live for another hour to delete Weibo, WeChat, and QQ space?

God still ignores me.

The meeting ended peacefully, but at the end Erpang released Wang Zha: Everyone will keep the last expenses, and I will see if the company can reimburse them. If you can't, just deduct it equally from your year-end bonus.

After the meeting, it is difficult for everyone to calm down in the afternoon. It is probably the first time for everyone to hold a funeral for a stranger. The pot exploded.

Laoma quickly contacted the venue: Saturday, Yangmingshan Cemetery. I paid the money myself.

Everyone exploded in the group again: so fast, so fast, you won't let us live? How can we have time to do this preparation work? !

The old horse said: Come on, don’t you want to be buried early when you die? Besides, this month, there is still a schedule for the cemetery this Saturday. That's enough, let's do our best, this incident happened suddenly, didn't it?

Everyone fell silent. But old horse! ! ! I don't want to, old horse! I really want to just stink at home, really.

Because the funeral time is too close, everyone is busy preparing for the funeral.

Big Fatty helped me choose the funeral music. He first opened my circle of friends and listened carefully to every song I shared. Listen, listen, and tell the old horse: This is impossible. Isn't she a punk? Why are you still listening to the dark tide?

The old horse said: What are you talking about? ? ?

Big Fatty smiled, opened his NetEase Cloud Music, and pulled out an undercurrent playlist: I think, Miao Miao must love this playlist to death, this is what I plan to add The song played at my funeral is dedicated to her now.

I glance at the computer: oh my god. Every day I feel that the people around me are idiots listening to social music, but unexpectedly, there is a fan of Anna sitting in front of me. My God, why didn't I communicate with him when we were alive.

Big Fatty also has a dejected look on his face: If I had known that she also likes the undercurrent, we could exchange each other's playlists and CDs. Hey, not many people listen to this.

I looked at Fatty, and really wanted to ask him again: Do you watch Kafka? Do you like Quentin? Love Uma Thurman?

No chance.

Xiaozhu was shopping on Taobao, and while she was shopping, she asked Lingling: Does she like leather clothes?

"Yes, but it's too hot to wear leather clothes today, and leather clothes are expensive, how much year-end bonus do we have to deduct?"

"Yes. Then buy a dress. It looks more grand."

"Saving money is saving money, but I feel that Miao Miao ate too much takeaway in the month before her death, and she was too fat. Can a dead person's stomach deflate? If not, Wearing a big red dress, the belly looks like it's about to give birth, no one can stand it. I think it's fine to just wear her own clothes."

"If you die, you should wear new clothes."

Damn, women are so boring.

Ignore them. I went to see what our leaders were doing.

When the leader heard that the funeral was scheduled for the day after tomorrow, he resolutely gave up the plan to make VCR and started to make PPT in the office.

My life was divided by him into student period, working time and after get off work.

Looking at the photos of myself once posted on social media being posted on PPT for display, I really want to slap myself a few times.

It's too late.

The day after tomorrow, my dead body will disappear from this world, and I will say goodbye to this group of colleagues and start a journey around the world.

Saturday is here.

Good day.

Colleagues are present as funeral directors.

Acquaintances in my circle of friends also came here.

The leader asked Lingling: What's going on, have you notified?

"It's notified, it's notified, and she sent everyone a group message on her WeChat. Miao Miao usually doesn't talk much, but she has more than a thousand friends on WeChat. It's over."

The leader took out his mobile phone and looked at it: Oh, you notified the wrong time, these people are all early.

My God, do I have more than a thousand friends on WeChat? How can I not remember? While Lingling and the others were going to greet other guests, I checked my mobile phone. Hey, there are more than a thousand people. I love to add other people's WeChat too much. There are three or four hundred of my friends who buy cigarettes downstairs, sell fruit next door, work as real estate agents, and do online shopping. There are three or four hundred of my friends. Do you think I am an idiot? Why do I add so many people? !

After looking through the address book, I want to see if anyone has messaged Lingling back. Well, I just want to see if my ex-boyfriend has messaged Lingling back.

No, nothing. He didn't even reply with an ellipsis.

I didn't expect to crash again after I died.

People arrived one after another. There were probably more than a hundred people who came to see him off. I didn't expect it either.

The following is the leader's speech, no, it is the introduction of Miao Miao's life. Please be fat.

Our leader, Erpang, came on stage in a black suit, and showed everyone the PPT that he stayed up all night to finish. At the end, he said to everyone: Miao Miao, although she doesn’t like to work, she is also a cute girls. She doesn't like to work, and I don't blame her. Who the hell loves to work? Perverts fucking love to work. I know she loves to drink, so I brought her a bottle of Yamazaki. Hope she can continue to drink over there.

After saying that Er Fatty went down, the bottle of Yamazaki was placed next to my body.

Then Big Fatty came on stage: I brought an album of Eternal Sleep. Miu Miao and I were both fans of Anna, but before he died, who the hell knew. People, if you don't die, no one can understand you. I regret it when I say it, I often go to some shitty movies and listen to some shitty songs for socializing, in fact, if you don’t love those shits, why should you let people who love those shits be your friends Woolen cloth? I regret it, starting tomorrow, I think I will only listen to the songs I love in the future, let the society rock and roll.

Then Lingling came on stage: I will give her a copy of Nine Stories. She was reading this book in the office during her lunch break before, and I spilled soup on this book. She didn't say anything at the time, but the pain in her eyes was real. I have long wanted to give her a copy of the same. As a result, this matter was delayed until today. Really, really sorry.

Then the old man came on stage: I gave Miu Miao a bag of chocolates. One night, after she finished working overtime, she took out a bottle of red wine from the drawer, and said to me proudly: Red wine tastes better with chocolate. I think everyone should give her wine today, so I will give you a chocolate. .

Everyone came up on stage and said why they gave me gifts. Some things I don't quite remember, but they actually remember them for me. And some people I think we nod acquaintance, but he cried like a fool. Some people I think are very important, such as my ex-boyfriend, he didn't even come.

I think, let's just pretend he's dead too.

When the funeral was about to bid farewell to the remains, the aunt from the smoking hotel downstairs in my house came. I was a little dazed, I didn't expect her to come too. Panting by herself, she ran to the stage and said: I am late because the store is still closed.

I brought a pack of red square seals and a can of Yanjing to Miao Miao. No matter what time she gets off work, she will come to my store to buy these two things as long as she comes home. Sometimes I see her face is very bad, and want to persuade her to smoke less. But I feel that it is not appropriate to be a stranger. One day she came to my store drunk and bought these two things. Although she drank too much, she didn't cry. She smiled and said, "Today is my birthday and my mother's death day."

When she paid, I didn't want it anymore, I wanted to tell her: Let this be your birthday present. But I didn't say it, it's not that I care about money, but that I'm embarrassed. After all, we are still strangers. Actually, what does it matter if you think about it now?

Yeah, what does it matter? Actually it doesn't matter.

My body is surrounded by gifts, things that I wanted to get when I was alive, but they are not important now. What they want to say to me is what they once wanted to tell me. Although I hear it now, I can no longer respond to them.

Death means more to the living than to the dead. The first time I witnessed death in my life was my own death. This life is too light for me, but for you, it may still have a little weight.

I am going to bid farewell to my remains with you.

However, I hope you living people can cherish the people around you in the future.

Thank you for giving me such a funeral with some warmth, some regret, some happiness and some sadness.

Treasure the rest of your life.

Goodbye.