In your emotions, hide your marriage

In 1947, Qian Zhongshu wrote in the book "Fortress Besieged" There is a sentence: "Marriage is like a besieged city, people outside want to go in, people inside want to get out."

Since then, this sentence has been regarded as "Chinese Marriage Proverbs".

Decades later, marriage still seems to have changed— —The people in the besieged city fell in love, remained silent, and finally separated.

A set of divorce survey data shows:

The primary reason for divorce is "emotional discord", accounting for 77.51%, and the main reason for emotional discord is bad emotions caused by trivial life.

Those bad emotions have ruined many marriages.

Emotions are the "magic mirror" of married life

There is a saying: "Emotions are the magic mirror of married life."

This sentence is really penetrating.

If the emotions of two people are positive, it proves that the couple’s emotional concentration is very strong High; if the mood has been negative, then there may have been cracks in this relationship and it needs to be repaired urgently.

In an intimate relationship, good emotions can not only save a sick marriage, but also heal a sick body.

There is an old man in the United States named Bresnan, 74 years old He and his wife have been married for 40 years.

In the past 40 years, they have almost never quarreled, and their relationship is better than a day sweet day.

The old man said that he has a unique way to dissolve the tension in marriage The vast majority of contradictions - write a love letter every day.

In these love letters, the old man tells his love with gentle words It is very romantic to carefully analyze the disputes between two people, and to count the love brought by the lover.

The wife also cherishes this kindness very much. Every love letter was collected and arranged in chronological order, and there were actually 25 boxes.

In their world, there are no delayed emotions, no overnight Contradictions, only timely communication of feelings.

In his later years, the old man unfortunately suffered from cancer. On the sickbed, he treated his wife Say:

"Sorry, I have cancer."

But the wife said: "It's not you, it's us."

Two people love each other, emotional pleasure, even for the elderly His recovery came as a surprise.

In fact, 70% of marital problems are emotional problems.

The old man's approach is to give priority to appeasing his wife's emotions in everything, Only then will there be no gap between the two, and they will hold hands until they grow old.

Psychologist Wu Zhihong once said: "No response, family It is also a hopeless situation."

Every emotion needs a response, every emotion needs a be soothed.

There is a saying in psychology:

"All bad emotions come from self-depletion, when bad emotions When it appears, it is actually ego depletion sending out a distress signal, reminding us to regulate our emotions."

Everyone who has an unhappy marriage has been consumed too much In fact, this consumption often comes from that bad mood.

Your emotions hide the truest appearance of your marriage.

Bad emotions can ruin a marriage

Chai Jing said in "Seeing": "Family is the smallest A social unit, after the door squeaks shut, how people treat each other here more or less determines the basic face of a society.”

Home, provides a person with the greatest sense of security, in close All true emotions are released upon door visit.

There is no guarantee that two people who are in close contact will not have friction and unhappiness because of chicken feathers.

At the end of 1979, a stunning actress fell in love with A brilliant male writer.

The two married in a hurry after a few months, their marriage The good stories are passed down throughout the city, and the scenery is unparalleled for a time.

But this marriage lasted only 3 months and ended with end.

The reason for the divorce is that the writer is irritable and often points fingers at his wife :

When his wife went out for a run, he asked her if she went out with other men private meeting;
his wife walked barefoot in the house, and he became furious;
his wife forgot to defrost the ribs before making soup, and he satirized her for "really lacking common sense"...

In the end, it was unbearable, the beauty of the past disappeared, and the two even Old and dead.

Whether a man can get rid of his bad emotions before entering the house determines whether the marriage can last; , Holding back the most hurtful words also reflects the level of emotional intelligence.

There is a question on Zhihu:

"Why are we always polite to strangers but not to our dearest lost their temper?”

An answer got the highest upvote:

"Because all the unscrupulousness of people is actually a very smart willful."

Because I was sure that he would not leave, so I treated him casually; Because the other party is the closest person, it is a matter of course to store your "emotional garbage".

The impact of bad emotions on marriage is fatal. The stronger the love, the deeper the pain.

There is a famous "kicking cat effect" in psychology:< /span>

A father was angry at work, and when he got home, he sent his child After scolding, the child felt aggrieved after being reprimanded, so he kicked the cat lying beside him, so the cat escaped from the window to the outside, and the passing truck accidentally ran into the child on the side of the road in order to avoid it.

The bad emotions inside the door overflow to the outside; Bad emotions radiate to the outside world.

People often think hard about how to handle interpersonal relationships, but forget that the most basic interpersonal relationship is actually "family".

A good marriage will never let two people become Emotional slaves are more about the self-consciousness of temper restraint and the tacit understanding of mutual understanding.

Just like what Baby Anne said in "Spring Banquet" :

"Higher emotions, which eventually form spirit and consciousness; lower emotions , can only be reduced to temper and emotions."

There are no two people who are perfectly suitable

He Jiong said in a reality show:< /span>

"There must be no two people who are perfectly suitable in the world. If you meet It must be a lie to find a person who perfectly matches you in terms of appearance, personality, hobbies and family background.

The more you meet such a person, the more cautious you are . "

Because there are no two people who are perfectly suitable in the world, perfection often means False, incomplete is true.

Everyone, in marriage, must practice the word "forbearance".

Ancient Greek philosopher Socrates has such an anecdote.

He has a very fierce wife who often revolves around one thing He keeps nagging, and often embarrasses him in front of everyone.

But every time he is smiling and silent, Never argue with your wife.

His friend asked him: "Since your wife is always like this To embarrass you in front of everyone, have you ever thought about what is the purpose of your marriage?"

Socrates replied:

"A man who marries a good wife will become very Happy; a man who marries a 'bad' wife will become a philosopher, and the meaning of this can only be experienced by oneself."

A simple sentence actually hides his wisdom in marriage :

No one in this world is born suitable. If the bottom line is not touched, "compromise" is the key to the longevity of marriage.

There is a sentence in "The Lost Lover": "Marriage is mutual Compromise, work hard, and those who enter this door, please don't take chances."

In fact, all negative emotions of people come from insufficient cognition , when you have a glimpse of people's hearts and understand human nature, you will not have unrealistic fantasies and expectations of others.

Don't ask anyone to be perfect, care less, look back less, Looking forward is the correct solution in the world.

It may be human instinct to be critical of those close to you, but marriage is a process of overcoming instinct. Sometimes it is precisely the weakness in human nature that needs to be overcome in order to retain happiness.

A real and long-lasting marriage is to take care of each other's emotions

William Bernard said in "Harvard Family Instruction":

"Don't think that those close to you don't mind hurting, those hurting Like nails hammered into a fence, they leave their mark forever."

A long-term marriage is inseparable from patience, let alone Open introspection.

Life is short, the closer you are, the more tender you should be Wait, so that you can taste double the sweetness in the original bitter life.

Don't let your impulse ruin the happiness you already have, and don't Ignoring the emotions of the other party, every love needs to be expressed with heart; every concern is worth listening to carefully.

Taking good care of each other's emotions is the most important secret in marriage; every concern from a lover is the most expensive gift in the world.